Feels helpless:(
Well i have to say up till now i am the most fortunate among my friends in mp... i got posted to dog wing and ended up doing things that i like and do best - paravet job... i am very happy, definitely... and no matter what i will do my best for the unit and the dogs there... gotta be productive starting from tomorrow:)
Family problems just make me feel so down... scolded my dad just now... i think i nid anger management, but how am i not flared up when up till just now he still haven feed baby dinner? i wasnt at home, but he is idling at the sofa there watching tv. i always felt damn sorry and sad after scolding him, but i cant help it, seriously... feeling remorseful is due to the fact that he is my dad, but i still cant help but to scold him for all the stupid things he has done, or things he should have done it but didnt... he was once a stroke patient, i understand, but how can a stroke change a person's personality so much? who can give me an answer? i tried all means to understand him, give in to him etc... not that i didnt do anything but look what i got? i am sure there will be people saying i am unfilial, but who cares for me? i am taking all the burdens and loads... which 21year old guy have to go through what i am going through? i doubt among my friends nobody need to...
I am very tired... really dead tired... trying to earn as much as possible to meet monthly needs, but the results is always negative... i cant earn much bcuz of ns... but i always understand what is call a vicious cycle... i foresee that i will step into this and dunno when then i will be able to escape from this cycle... probably i will have to thank god that i dont have a girlfriend... nobody to confide to but nobody to take care too... less one burden haha... i believe i can multi-task as of now... but when will i collapse i dont know...
No matter what i will still do my best to be the pillar of support for my parents, especially my mum... she needs me definitely, and i need her too... not that i dont love my dad... i love him thats why i wanted to correct him... but if he is still that persistent, i dunno what can i do... as for my brother, sometimes i wish him better off dead... i apologise for my harsh words, but i seriously dunno what to say about him... life with or without him doesnt make a difference... or probably there is... with him my life is more miserable... thats what i can say...
I am feeling very down... very very down... i need to stand still, but i am very tired... trying hard, really very hard...
You're my everything =D